Checking an au pair's references is the most critical step in the hiring process—it's where vague qualifications become verified reliability. A single conversation with a previous host family can reveal whether someone is genuinely trustworthy with your children or a poor fit disguised by a polished application. Here's how to do it properly.
Why References Matter for Au Pairs
Unlike hiring a nanny through an agency, au pair placements often involve candidates from abroad with limited local verifiable history. References from previous host families are your primary tool to assess childcare quality, reliability, cultural adaptability, and how the candidate handled real-world challenges like sick children, household conflicts, or schedule changes. A glowing resume means nothing if the last family won't return your call—or gives a lukewarm response.
How to Obtain References
Request at least three references during the initial application or interview stage. Ideally, two should be from previous host families (prioritize recent placements within the last 2 years) and one from a character reference—a teacher, employer, or family friend from their home country.
Ask the au pair directly for contact information and permission to reach out. If they hesitate or provide vague details like "I'll ask my previous family to send you a note," that's a red flag. Legitimate candidates will have no issue with direct contact.
When contacting references, use phone or video calls rather than email. Typed responses are easy to fabricate, and tone matters. A stilted answer or sudden unavailability during the conversation can reveal discomfort.
What to Ask Previous Host Families
Go beyond surface-level questions. Here's what matters:
- Daily childcare competence: "How did she handle the children's morning routine? Were they ready on time?" This reveals organizational skills and follow-through.
- Safety and judgment: "Did you ever have concerns about how she supervised the kids? Give me a specific example of good or bad judgment."
- Communication: "How often did she update you on the kids' day? Was she proactive about problems or did issues come as surprises?"
- Reliability and punctuality: "Did she consistently show up on time? Were there unexpected absences or schedule changes?"
- Cultural fit: "Were there any tensions around house rules, family values, or expectations? How did she adapt?"
- Honesty about conflicts: "Did you have any major disagreements? How did she respond to criticism?"
- Why they parted ways: "Would you hire her again? Why or why not?" This open question often reveals concerns they might otherwise soften.
Red Flags in References
Listen carefully for:
- Hesitation or vague praise: "She was... fine" or long pauses suggest the reference is being diplomatic about problems.
- Generic responses: "She's a hard worker" repeated without examples indicates they may not have known the candidate well or are delivering a scripted answer.
- Evasion on specific questions: If asked about reliability and they pivot to discussing her English skills, something's off.
- Contradictions: The au pair claims she was with a family for 12 months, but the reference says 6 months.
- Reluctance to recommend: "I wouldn't hire her again" should trigger immediate investigation into why.
Verify Reference Authenticity
Confirm the reference is legitimate. Ask for their full name, relationship to the au pair, and the family's address or phone number. Cross-check against the au pair's application materials—phone numbers should match what she provided. If she claims experience with a specific agency (like Au Pair USA or Au Pair Care), contact the agency to confirm she previously placed with their program.
Be wary of references that are friends or relatives of the au pair, even if they're framed as "previous employer." Ask how they know the candidate and in what capacity.
Agency Placements vs. Independent Candidates
If you're hiring through an au pair placement service, they typically conduct reference checks already. However, don't skip your own calls—third-party vetting isn't equivalent to your direct assessment of whether someone suits your family. Services like Mercoly help you compare and find trusted au pair placement providers in one place, making it easier to understand which agencies conduct more thorough vetting.
For independent candidates (found through social media or international networks), reference checks are entirely your responsibility.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How long should I wait for a reference to respond? Give them 3–5 business days before following up. If they don't respond after a second contact attempt, treat that as a negative signal and move on.
Q: Should I hire an au pair if I can only reach one reference? No. Missing references suggest either dishonesty or poor relationships with previous employers—both concerning for a live-in childcare provider.
Q: Can I contact an au pair's previous school or employer instead of host families? Yes, but prioritize host families since they evaluated the au pair's actual childcare abilities, not just academic or professional performance in an office setting.
Start your au pair search with verified references and skip candidates who won't provide them.