Some states and countries do allow self-solemnization—marrying yourselves without any officiant present—but the rules are stricter than most couples realize. If you're planning an LGBTQ+ wedding and considering skipping an officiant altogether, you'll need to understand your jurisdiction's specific legal requirements before you commit to that path.
What Self-Solemnization Actually Means
Self-solemnization (also called self-uniting marriage) means you and your partner sign your marriage license without a third-party officiant witnessing or conducting the ceremony. It's not about skipping a formal celebration—you can still have a full ceremony with readings, vows, and a reception. The legal distinction is purely about who signs the paperwork.
Which States and Countries Allow It?
Only a handful of U.S. states permit self-solemnization outright:
- Pennsylvania (no waiting period, no witnesses required)
- Colorado (requires both parties to appear in person; no witnesses needed)
- Washington D.C. (allows self-uniting marriages with specific filing requirements)
- New York (permits self-solemnizing marriages through recent legislation)
- Some tribal nations (requirements vary widely)
A few other states allow it under limited circumstances—for example, some permit self-solemnization only for Quaker or similar faith traditions. Internationally, options are even more limited, with only scattered countries like Denmark and some Canadian provinces recognizing it.
Why Many Couples Still Hire LGBTQ+ Officiants
Even in states that allow self-solemnization, most LGBTQ+ couples choose to hire an officiant. Here's why:
Legal certainty. An officiant ensures your marriage is performed correctly and documented properly. If there's any error on the license or in filing, an experienced officiant knows how to catch and correct it before it becomes a problem.
Peace of mind on your day. You can focus on the emotional experience of getting married rather than worrying about legal technicalities. A good LGBTQ+ affirming officiant can also craft a ceremony that genuinely reflects your relationship and values—not a generic one-size-fits-all script.
Visibility and recognition. For many LGBTQ+ couples, having someone officiate who understands and celebrates your relationship carries real emotional weight, especially if you've faced discrimination elsewhere. An LGBTQ+ officiant or an ally with specific training sends a clear message about whose love is valued.
What to Look for in an LGBTQ+ Officiant
If you decide an officiant is right for your wedding, here are key considerations:
- Credentials and experience. Ask whether they're legally ordained in your state and how many same-sex or non-binary weddings they've officiated. Ordination requirements vary—some states accept online ordination, others require specific training.
- Personality fit. You'll likely spend several hours with this person. Do they ask thoughtful questions about your relationship? Do they feel genuinely interested in your story, or are they treating it as a transaction?
- Customization level. Can they write a personalized ceremony, or do they work from a template? LGBTQ+-focused officiants typically offer more flexibility around pronouns, chosen family acknowledgment, and non-traditional ceremony structures.
- Cost range. Expect $300–$1,200 for an LGBTQ+-affirming officiant, depending on location, experience, and customization. Larger cities and more established officiants typically charge more.
- Timeline. Book at least 2–3 months ahead. Many popular LGBTQ+ officiants fill up quickly, especially during peak wedding seasons.
If you're comparing providers and want to see multiple options side-by-side, Mercoly helps you find and compare trusted LGBTQ+ wedding officiants in your area, making it easier to evaluate experience, reviews, and pricing.
The Legal Document You Actually Need
Whether you use an officiant or self-solemnize, you're signing a marriage license—a document issued by your county or state. That license is what makes the marriage legal, not the ceremony itself. The ceremony is the celebration; the paperwork is the legal commitment.
Before choosing self-solemnization, contact your county clerk's office directly and ask exactly what's required. Requirements can be surprisingly specific: some jurisdictions need notarized signatures, specific witness counts, or particular filing timelines.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Can an LGBTQ+ couple use any officiant, or do they need to find someone specifically trained in LGBTQ+ ceremonies? Any legally ordained officiant can perform your marriage, but LGBTQ+-focused officiants typically have experience with same-sex vows, inclusive language around family structures, and the cultural context of your relationship—which makes a real difference on the day.
Q: How far in advance do I need to book an LGBTQ+ officiant? Aim for 3–6 months out, especially if you're getting married in June, September, or October. In smaller towns or rural areas, the pool of affirming officiants may be limited, so earlier booking is safer.
Q: What's the typical cost for a dedicated LGBTQ+ officiant versus a general wedding officiant? Pricing is usually similar ($400–$900 is typical), though LGBTQ+ officiants may charge more in major cities because demand is higher and they often bring deeper cultural knowledge to the role.
Ready to find the right officiant for your wedding? Start comparing LGBTQ+-affirming providers in your area today.