Hiring a nanny is one of the most important decisions you'll make as a parent—there's no room for guesswork or gut feeling alone. References and a structured interview process separate the genuinely qualified caregivers from those who simply look good on paper. This guide walks you through exactly what to ask and what red flags to listen for.
Why References Matter More Than You Think
A nanny will spend more waking hours with your child than you do. Unlike hiring for most jobs, you can't afford trial-and-error here. Previous employers can tell you whether someone actually shows up on time, how they handle emergencies, and whether they respect your family's values around screen time, discipline, or dietary restrictions.
Don't skip reference calls—doing them thoroughly can take 30-45 minutes per candidate, but it's time invested in your child's safety and development.
What to Ask Previous Employers
When you call a reference, move beyond "Was Jane reliable?" and dig into specifics:
- Daily routines: "Walk me through what a typical day looked like. What did she do with the kids from 3 to 5 PM?"
- Problem-solving: "Tell me about a time something went wrong—maybe a child got sick or wouldn't listen. How did she handle it?"
- Your house and family fit: "Did she respect your house rules around discipline, snacks, outings, and screen time?"
- Communication: "How often did she update you on the kids? Did she ever miss a day or leave you hanging?"
- Length of employment: "How long did she work for you and why did she leave?"
- Your specific needs: If you have a child with allergies, behavioral challenges, or special needs, ask whether the nanny has experience and how she managed it.
Ask open-ended questions and listen carefully. A reference who hesitates or gives vague answers ("She was fine") is worth following up on.
Critical Interview Questions to Ask the Candidate
Before you hire, you need to know how the nanny thinks, not just what she's done. Here are the interviews questions that reveal the most:
Scenario-based questions:
- "A 4-year-old refuses to get ready for bed. What's your approach?"
- "You notice a child has been quieter than usual all day. What do you do?"
- "A parent's instructions contradict what their spouse told you yesterday. How do you handle it?"
Experience and philosophy:
- "What's your approach to discipline?" (Listen for consistency and respect, not harshness or permissiveness.)
- "What would you do in an emergency—a choking incident, a fall with bleeding, a fever of 102?"
- "How do you spend time with the kids when you're not doing structured activities?"
Logistics and professionalism:
- "What's your experience with the age range of my child(ren)?"
- "How do you communicate with parents about the day—texts, notes, in-person updates?"
- "What's your availability, including flexibility for unexpected late days or schedule changes?"
- "What are your expectations around pay, benefits, paid time off, and tax responsibilities?" (Typical nanny rates in the U.S. range from $15-$25+ per hour depending on experience, location, and number of children; many families offer health insurance contributions and 2 weeks PTO.)
Red Flags to Watch For
- Vague references or difficulty reaching them – Legitimate caregivers maintain professional relationships.
- Inconsistent stories – If her resume says she worked in childcare for 10 years but she can't explain her gaps, dig deeper.
- Dismissiveness toward your family's rules – If she rolls her eyes at your screen time limits or discipline approach during the interview, that won't improve.
- No experience with emergencies – A nanny should know CPR/First Aid (ideally certified) and have thought through how to handle injuries, illnesses, or behavioral crises.
- Unwillingness to communicate or provide regular updates – You're paying for care, not guesswork about how your day went.
The Practical Hiring Process
After interviews and reference checks, invite your top 1-2 candidates for a trial day or half-day while you're home but less visible. Watch how she engages with your kids, respects your space, and handles transitions.
Prepare a written agreement covering pay, schedule, vacation, sick days, and expectations around household tasks (some nannies do light tidying related to the kids; others don't). Check that you're compliant with tax and employment laws in your state.
If you're comparing multiple providers or looking for vetted nannies in your area, services like Mercoly help you find and compare trusted household and family manager services in one place.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How many references should I call before hiring a nanny? At minimum, contact two previous employers; three is ideal. If someone can only provide one reference, ask why and be cautious.
Q: Should a nanny have CPR and First Aid certification? Yes, absolutely. This should be non-negotiable—emergencies happen, and certification proves she knows how to respond.
Q: What should I pay a nanny, and how do I handle taxes? Rates vary by location and experience (typically $15–$25+ per hour in the U.S.), and you're legally required to handle payroll taxes and file appropriate employment forms with the IRS; consult a payroll service or tax professional to stay compliant.
Use these steps to find a nanny who's not just qualified, but genuinely right for your family.